Sunday, March 29, 2009

vipassana

on wednesday, i'll be heading to a town south of yosemite, north of fresno called north fork. in that town is a vipassana center. i'll begin a 10 day silent meditation, a method that aims to eradicate suffering, and to see things as they are. here is a link to check it out. if you scroll to the bottom, you can go to the homepage to read more of the ins and outs. vipassana

i didn't go to hampton (phish). however you slice it and dice it, it wasn't something i was "supposed" to be a part of it. painful reality for me. on the first night of the three night run, i applied to be on the wait list for vipassana. i was, in my mind, so unnecessarily tortured by not being at hampton, by my attachment to "just a band" that i literally surrendered to MY flow and chose to embark on this meditation journey.

i know, it sounds really silly. all i can attest to is that the music of phish, and soon after they ended, ryan adams, has moved me so deeply that IT HURT not to be a part of the phish comeback celebration. at first, i wasn't ready to buy into all the hype of them coming back. by the time i realized how bad i wanted to be there, it was too late for me to make it happen. thus, vipassana was calling my name. i don't know what or how that will end up going, but at this point in my life, THAT is what i need. a reset button.

i would then go on thru the month of march to find my mind up against yet another "DO NOT MISS" friggin concert: the fox theater ryan adams/cardinals final show. again, just couldn't really rally for it. the month of march has been me facing my attachments and the struggle i have with them. this is more sharing than normal for me, here, and some people think, "its just music, its just a concert", and rightly so, IT IS. but i've got this unique opportunity to really dig deep, about why i NEED to be a part of it. there is something DEEP in my heart that NEEDS that connection when live music is occurring. i can't even care enough to try to type stupid words that would never justify it enough anyways.

and this vipassana is not NEARLY at all about missing some dumb concerts. my attachment to phish/cardinals/ryan/live music is just a vehicle i'm choosing to bring me nearer to acting from my heart. aligned with my heart.

i just ended my EIGHT year venture being self-employed. i haven't decided what i want to do next. i am going to vipassana with an open mind, an open heart, and thoughts of healing whatever wounds that are keeping me from living the life that has me fully expressed and in love again. wish me luck!

1 comment:

Pulse said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.